Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Postman Delivers (Slammer Part Two)


About 4 days after the run-in with the convict (whose name will be withheld to protect his identity and, potentially, my life), a letter arrived at the station. I was away with my mom and received a frantic call from my friend, begging me to let her open and read the letter. Naturally, I said hell yes.

Here it is folks...

Back of envelope: THIS CORRESPONDENCE IS FORWARDED FROM A MASSACHUSETTS CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION; THE CONTENTS MAY NOT HAVE BEEN EVALUATED AND THE DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTION IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SUBSTANCE OR CONTENT OF THE ENCLOSED MATERIAL.

Ok ok - you know what, kids? I started typing the letter and realized it just isn't fair to post on this crazy world wide web. BUT - I am going to post some of the highlights.

  • Each page is numbered (in case I got confused or couldn't follow the story somehow)
  • Throughout the letter is the unknown contraction was'nt (sorry sorry, I was an English minor)
  • Every 5 or 6 lines, I am addressed directly by name
  • He was caught during high school with 13 lbs of marijuana and 23 grams of crack, "individually packaged up"
  • I was assured "This will be my only time in prison."
  • He didn't bring a kid in this world while he was doing bad - and wondered if I have kids...
  • He apologized if he stuttered when he was talking to me, he was intimidated (guys - if you are reading this, is that true? Can girls actually be intimidating? This is debated ad nauseam by ladies.)
  • He would be released in 2 years (he's out now, folks)
  • He thought I was "gorgous" (maybe that is some combo of attractive and ginormous)
  • He signed in cursive (somebody gots skillz)
And, the ony fullllll chunk I will give you (spelling and grammar true to form):
My name, if you take a chance on getting to know me I promise you will not regret it. I know you are getting ready to go away but we could get to know each other until you leave if you want to. You can drop me a card or a letter when ever you get a chance when your away. Then when you come back, hopefully you will come back, then it will be about time for me to come home. Then I can take you out spoil you and treat you like a queen, just how you should be treated.

That's right folks - just picture a baby-tee with glitter letters QUEEN, with me in a tiara and platform flip-flops with a baby on each hip, rocking feathered bangs...maybe it isn't too late for me to find him.

2 comments:

ktmccoy said...

A Queen? A tiara? Seriously, I need his number!!!

Kelly Gou said...

Dear Future Mrs. Inmate #17969769797, My friend (AG) turned me onto your blog and I am in hysterics! Looking forward to reading some more and could possibly be sending you some stories to add to your collection. I am married now, but had a long than I would like to admit Match.com stint while living on the Main Line. xo! KGG