Thursday, January 8, 2009

What About Bob?

Well folks, here is the first post about someone else's dating disasters. The gal, who shall remain nameless, has identified a trend among men named Bob: they're all a mess.

Bob #1:
She says - he looks like Crocodile Dundee
I say - he looks like Bob Barker (ok, ok not that old)
Game changing moments:
  • Bob asks her to take him to his colonoscopy...about 10 days after meeting
  • Bob begins falling apart, requests her aide at the hospital after multiple surgeries that are par for the course when becoming an antique
  • Bob peer pressures her family member to sing Christmas Carols. When said family member refuses, she is punished by listening to his rendition of Ave Maria (as he sang it 3,000 years ago when he was in the city's boys choir). He holds "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-veeeeeeeeeeeee Maaaa-RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" far too long and is left gasping for breath before picking up where he left off "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-EEEEE-yah." He admits is voice isn't what it used to be.
Bob #2:

On date 2, he told her to let him know when she's "ready" and he'll take his "helpful little friend, the magic blue pill." Yeah.

Bob #3:

Generally speaking, a cool guy. He mentions that she looks a lot like his last girlfriend and shares the same name. They decide to go to the New Jersey shore for date #3. She jokes "I'll ride with you as long as you promise not to chop me up into little pieces and put me in the trunk of your car." They go on date. They talk about past relationships and he reveals his ex has been missing.

The following week his ex is found chopped up in the trunk of her own car near a motel.

They stop dating.

UPDATE: ktmccoy made a very good point. I should mention the gal in this post is now in a great relationship with a guy who does not go by the cursed name Bob.

UPDATE #2: I've just been informed that the middle name of the current boyf guessed it...ROBERT.


Courtney said...

Is this serious?! Like she was really seriously found chopped up in the trunk of her car?! Oh my goodness. Why aren't there normal men out there? I mean really. This is just plain ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

My favorite is still Bob # 1. I get a lot of mileage out of that story.

Anonymous said...

oh, and can you please mention that said female has found someone to share her time with... for now...

SmallbutMighty said...

Oh my god, I've totally been there. No!! WTF?? In the words of an NYC Housewife, "if this is what it's like being single, I'll stay in my marriage forever"

Kori said...

Um.. Bob #3 is made up. Has to be.

Anne Paige said...

Oh, as soon as the Ave Marie started up, I could just picture your rendition. Ohhhhhh so funny!

Cheese said...

For the record - Bob #3 is absolutely real.