Thursday, February 5, 2009

Home Run In Part 2

Where was I? Oh right, thinking I could somehow avoid my man for the rest of the night.

Now, of course I knew in my heart of hearts that I wouldn't escape biggie so easily. I made it back to the table, sat and looked back to see if he was coming.

When I turned my head, he was already knelt down by my side. I was flabbergasted at how quickly he must have moved.

My friend yelled across the table, "Why did you bring him over here?"

"Umm, I didn't exactly send him an invitation."

He was drunk and slow, "You talkin about me?"


"OK, I have a joke for you."

Fantastic, he was a comedian too.

"Wait, actually no I don't - I just want to see you smile."

"Well, I'm smiling."

He let out a foolish sigh and put his gigantic arm around me.

"OK that's it buddy!"

Now, God knows I love my friends, but you know how there is always the friend who "knows how to handle" a situation? Yeah, the one who usually just makes it worse? That was this friend.

She marched over, pissed that this person was touching me.

"Get your hands off my friend."

His grip tightened. "I'm not letting her go!"

So this is what it was like sharing King Kong's comany at the top of the Empire State Building.

My friend grabbed his arm, like the jaws of death, trying to pry him off me. What did he do? You guessed it, squeezed me so tight I had bruises to show for it.

"You know what? It's ok," I said to my friend. My eyes met King's and the hope that glimmered was...desperate...and only the look you see on the face of a man in love, in lust, or intoxicated.

"I knew you were happy I'm here!"

"You know, I am very happy to have met you, but I'm afraid I'm trying to catch up with some old friends and they're a little hesitant to have another person join the conversation."

"Oooooh. You mean you're talking about, like, lady things?"

Ummm what?

"Yes. Exactly. We're talking about lady things. I would be glad to talk to you when the lady talk is over."

"OK." He stood up and walked away.

Luckily I made it out of the bar about an hour later undetected. He only made one more attempt to crash our party. I gave him a look and mouthed "lady stuff" and he retreated.

So girls, whenever you need to get out of a sticky situation, forget crying wolf or screaming bloody murder - simply whispering "lady stuff" will get the job done.

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