Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Home Run In

When I was home over Christmas, I met up with a small posse of friends at a local bar. Being that we're "old now" (anything over 24 in a suburban college town), we found a table and caught up. As the night progressed, the bar filled with the younger sisters of girls 2 years my junior when we were in high school.

We turned a blind eye and deaf ear to all the kids and talked about work, boyfriends (ahem, or lack-thereof), family and life. Around 12:30 I made my way to the bathroom, avoiding eye contact with the younger brothers of my younger brother's friends and the girls I would have to pretend to be excited to see.

Naturally, the bathroom was allllll the way in the rear of the narrow bar. After pushing through the masses (something I've gotten good at while working in Times Square), I made it to the Ladies'. Immediately there was a girl behind me in line wearing a $350 sequined dress, holding her crotch and doing the pee-pee dance. Two girls emerge from the ONLY stall, mascara everywhere - drunk and drunker.

On my way back to the table, I squeezed past people fairly easily. Then, like a brick wall spread out in front of me, I met an obstacle I knew I wouldnot quickly overcome: a gigantic brotha (who puts the guy at the Chinese food place to shame). His arms are stretched out, creating a blockade.

I smile, avoiding eye contact yet again. "Oh, excuse me."

"No I will not excuse you."

Here we go.

"I been looking at you since you got up to go potty, just waiting for you to come back so I could look at you close up."

Potty?

"Ok." Wasn't exactly sure what response he expected.

He exhaled a cigarette stained "Heh!" laugh type of noise and stared.

"Um, I'm sorry but I need to get by - my friends are waiting for me."

"Oh your friends? In that case I'll come with you so they can meet me."


Ah yes, you are exactly the man my friends are hoping to grace with your presence. Fantastic.

I pushed past him, hoping there was no way homes was going to follow me to the table...

1 comment:

ktmccoy said...

left in suspense................