I was on the train coming home from work the other night when I received a screaming reminder of why I'm single, and why some women are not.
I was minding my own business, leaning against the subway door (the best standing spot in a subway if you ask me) when a couple entered the train. At first blush they appeared normal: middle aged, nondescript, man and woman.
Then something caught my eye - the man was wearing a single pearl earring. Now, either he missed the memo that pearls are not "bling" or he was staging some sort of revolution against diamonds (ok, ok CZ). I had to look away in order to assess the situation.
When my gaze shifted, it landed on his shoes. Girls, we know footwear for men is not to be taken lightly. I've seen sandals with socks, weird hiking sandals that just don't fit in on the streets of New York, men in heels (and full drag) and other noteworthy "fashions." This particular man was wearing MBTs. Yes, the ones that are worn (to my knowledge) only by women in order to tone your legs, get rid of cellulite, correct posture and all that jazz.
I desperately tried to remove my gaze from him, but landed on his neck wear. One beaded necklace. Two beaded necklaces. Another necklace - leather strap with shell dangling from it.
Lord give me strength to keep my eyes in my head and my jaw from hitting the floor.
These accessories are worn only by teens on the Jersey Shore or boys in the mid (to late?) 90s.
When I believed I couldn't find anything else that would shock me, I landed on his bracelet. Now, this bracelet alone would be kinda bad ass. On him, it just perfected the oxymoronic state of this man. It was a LIVESTRONG type bracelet with "IRON MAN COMPETITION 2008" on it. What?
Trying to take all of this in, I look to the woman he entered the train with. She was wearing one of those scarves that can only be described as far too colorful - and hairy. It was like confetti exploded all over this chick.
So yes, she was wearing this cheesy scarf - but even better - she was wearing it as a sling for her arm...very nonchalant. Bizarre.
I guess there is a pot for every lid. And a confetti scarf for every felt birthday cake hat.