Friday, March 6, 2009

Chubs 3: Accessorize

So we left off with Chubs pledging to no longer send dirty texts.

We had tentative plans to get together on Thursday night - he had dinner with client and didn't know how long it would go. I was somewhat relieved - it gave me plenty of time to grab dinner and a few drinks with my friend before I had to meet him.

So we went to a restaurant, ordered some aps and drinks and discussed whether he was a pervert or had a serious addiction to drugs and alcohol - and when I'd be meeting up with him. He started texting, letting me know the status of dinner: Going to be longer than I thought but please don't go home - I want to see you; Hey, getting ready to leave soon - but client is still boozing hard. You get the picture.

My friend and I thought, "Wow, maybe he actually is a normal dude and I will actually see him tonight."

He sent another: I can't wait to see you - feel those smooth legs.

Therrrrrre's the Chubs I knew.

Well, don't expect too much - it's only date number two I replied.

Then...

So am I going to wear your vagina as a hat tonight?

That's right - my vagina. As a hat. Now, there is the obvious interpretation of what was intended. But let's consider the alternative - this guy said he wanted to wear my lady part as an accessory for his head. All I could think was It's July, there should be no need for head gear whatsoever! And Um ouch. And Getting into my pants isn't enough? You want to get into my WOMB?

My response: No. No you will not be wearing my vagina as a hat tonight.

So. Why am I single? Because grown men (32 years old) ask me if they can wear my vagina...as a hat. That's why.

Oh - and don't worry. That wasn't the last I heard from Vagina Hat - he kept in frequent contact for over a year. More of his raunchy texts of 2007/2008 are being saved for other posts.

3 comments:

ktmccoy said...

And not to mention, what would that even look like? A vagina, as a hat.

What other body parts do you think he likes to accessorize with? Ew.

Elizabeth said...

He strikes again! And with his infamous tag line.

Maybe you could tell him you're busy letting your spanx act as your chastity belt. (or would he like that?)

the scrivener said...

I landed here after googling "wear your vagina as a hat" in idle curiosity if there would be any hits, and was gruntled to find that there are people with lives as interesting as yours to instantiate such wondrous concepts.