Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Look Deeeeep Into My...

Well, the guy from the Chinese place has competition.

Last night I finished a positively lovely run from Times Square down to Soho over to the LES and up into my hood, ABCity. Well, lovely aside from the fact I was attacked (and I don't mean barked at) by a pit bull when I was in No Man's Land.

Donned in my capri spandex, long sleeved t-shirt and puffy vest, I made a pit stop at Duane Reade to pick up things I didn't need (what recession?) simply to make it to the "Hey you've managed to spend another $100 here so we'll give you $5 off your next purchase" coupon, which somehow still excites me.

With one ear bud blaring something like "Whisky Lullabye," I left the store - relieved no one looked at me too suspiciously in my spandex. Then I turned the corner.

"Baby, baby," the most grizzly-voiced homeless man ever attempted to "coo" at me.

"Ohhh," escaped my mouth before it registered in my one good ear.

"Baby, can you help me with something?"

I had been tricked by this before - remember the door man from last weekend?

"I'm sorry," I tried.

"I'm just, I'm hungry baby. I gots to eat..." he trailed off a bit as I continued to walk, shaking my head and apologizing.

Then some mumbles - completely indecipherable - well , indecipherable to one ear.

A tall cute guy walking toward me let out a laugh and glanced at me - not in a check yourself, you have TP on your shoe way. It was more Ha poor chick, getting harassed by a man who never says anything to people other than to ask for money.

I took out my other earbud, keeping my pace.

"Oh! OH!"

Uh oh.

"Baby, I ain't need money, food or nothing else from you."

I'd heard things like thisbefore from homeless dudes, I knew I was in for a doozie.

"Baby I just watch you walk away till I die. Yo' butt is HYPnotizing! Hm! Dang. Sway sway sway. I hypnotized and I love it!"

I dropped my head, laughed to myself, and continued on.

"Ha! Yeah, you know you got the power!"

Ohhh, the power. Sure, call me She-Ra.

2 comments:

ktmccoy said...

I think the creepy homeless people follow you around

SmallbutMighty said...

I'll just call you "Snap" (they sang that song from the '90s called The Power)