For reasons I won't pretend to understand, different circles of friends tend to debate the same topic at the same time. Recently, conversation came up about "making love" versus, well anything else.
Particularly, we talked about when guys use the term when you barely know each other, are clearly just sleeping together or they think they're being suave. [Side note, do I believe that you can "make love" with someone you really care about and it can be special and not like it is with anyone else? Sure. That's not what we're talking about here.]
When I think "make love," I imagine a man standing on top of some rocky point, hair flowing in the breeze, a billowy shirt unbuttoned to his belly button, tucked into some tight purple crushed velvet pants - oh and he's wearing boots (obviously).
I haven't had a man of that description ever ask me to make love (thank God) - but I've had plenty of guys who I barely know or have been dating (in no way exclusively) suggest it. In my experience, it is nothing short of terribly awkward. I've laughed, I've given the gut reaction "no," I've pretended not to hear.
I guess guys think it is romantic, or maybe that we'd be offended if they said anything else or that it's simply what we want to hear. My question - what need is there to discuss it? What ever happened to just connecting the dots?
I was seeing this guy we called Big (ugh, I know, so Sex and the City - but this isn't because he's a big shot...see I'm letting you connect the dots). We were hanging out at his apartment watching Benji - yes, Benji - which happens to be one of my favorite childhood movie stars! After Benj made it past the cougar, through the river and to the top of the mountain, we were Benji'd out.
Big mumbled something so I said something adorable like, "Whaaa?"
Then he motioned toward his bedroom, grabbed my hand and, looking at the ground like a 5 year old boy asking to have ice cream for breakfast and anticipating a scowl, he said, "Do you want to go make love?"
I smiled then immediately looked at my feet - a move I hope came across as sweet, innocent and bashful. The reality is that the "aw shucks move" (as any girl would know), was an attempt to cover up a goofy, admittedly unfair, patronizing "isn't that adorable" smile.
No, I didn't want to make love - have a little fun? move to the bedroom? go to bed? Sure! But make love? Nope.
I think it is endearing when guys do what they think we want them to do - but man, oh man, sometimes they miss the mark.
Does every girl have a dream of being swept off her feet by the perfect guy? Absolutely (right?)! But guys, if this girl isn't someone you are CRAZY about and you haven't had conversations about your collective future, "making love" is definitely out.
Here's a good example of when it's appropriate...